You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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