just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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