i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
