TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
