My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
