Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
