But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
