Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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