im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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