you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
