Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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