Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
