i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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