youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
