i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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