Jerry, you need to find god
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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