Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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