at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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