You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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