Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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