I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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