If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize