fuck your aforementioned shoe
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
