Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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