drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
