I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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