Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
