i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
