So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
