I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
