He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
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