just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
