At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
