yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
