apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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