It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
