Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
