Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
