im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I understand Curling. That high.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
