I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
