anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
