dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
