whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize