first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I checked into jail on foursquare
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
