just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Plan B is the new Plan A
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Terrible idea I love it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
