I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
