last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
