You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
