Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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