So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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