trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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