party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
