you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
