Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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