Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
