foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
