My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
