I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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