it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When are your genitals available?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize