did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
