i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
