were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
