It was confusing and full of hummus
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
