So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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