it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i was born a porn star she said
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
