Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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