Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
